15 Truths About Attracting Women

February 5th, 2012 jonny

Here are 15 truths that I have put together through research with countless experiences with many women from all walks of life. Enjoy!

1. “Rejection is better than Regret.”

-When you find yourself hesitant, always yield to Action.

-If you see her, do not wait, gawk or wait for a ‘perfect moment’. Action, action, action! You are the MAN. You must approach.

-The vicious cycle: You are hesitant because you are not used for things going your way. And things will never go your way because you remain hesitant. You see what you want, become hesitant, and the door of opportunity closes. It happens again. And again. And again. With each choice towards Inaction, you reject yourself a little bit more.

 

2. “Friendship- Abandon all hope ye who enter!”

-When you see a woman you are interested in, go for her romantically. For a friend she sees, a friend you shall always be.

 

3. “Judge by actions, not by words.”

-Judge by what she does than by what your mind wants to see. Our vanity will convert the image of every disinterested girl into secretly loving us (for women tell us what we want to hear).

 

4. “Patience is the refined sense of confidence.”

-The guys that can get almost any women are not scared or nervous that other guys are hitting on girls. He knows things the other guys never will. In fact, he might let them have free reign to weed out the desperate and stupid chicks from the smart and picky ones.

 

5. “Trust the gut.”

-Do you think she is wearing what she does for herself? No, she is wearing it for you! Women are not ornaments to be admired. They are there to be consumed. You know it. They know it.

 

6. “You are the Great Catch.”

-YOU are the prize to be won.

 

7. “Respect is All.”

-She is supposed to celebrate life with you, not use you as a peon. Be a man and respect attends to itself.

 

8. “Only the Sexual Ones get the girls.”

-Women are entirely sexual creatures. They do not respond to your intellectualism. They do not respond to your genius. They only respond to sexuality. Embrace it. Be a guy, talk like a guy, act like a guy. Do action things. It is one thing to talk about things you love, but most guys talk about things just to talk. Sexualize yourself, your appearance, and your actions, and the women will naturally follow.

9. “Be not contained by a formula.”

-There is no secret formula to unlock attraction is every woman. However there are universal traits that most women find attractive e.g. humor, confidence etc. Most guys will read “how to get the girl” by guy posing as a relationship guru and because they believe they have unlocked the secret formula they will actually experience some initial success with women. Their faith in the formula is transmuted into reality, when in fact  successful was not brought about by the rules, guides and witty scripts that the guru recommended , but by the approaching with a fun mindset that the rules and guides demanded.

10. “As you think, you shall become.”

-Women come and go, but YOU are forever. The focus must be on you. What do YOU want in a girl? What do YOU want to do for a date? What type of relationship are YOU looking for? It is a machine to the ONE. You push the button and out she comes.

You cannot be yourself without truthfully seeing yourself.

You cannot sacrifice character for joyfulness without ultimately destroying happiness.

You cannot control the situation, but you can control yourself, your emotions, and your life.

You cannot have women love you until you love yourself.

You cannot grasp the female nature until you grasp your male nature.

You cannot win her until you focus on her winning you.

You cannot fully know the principles of this website until you leave it.

You cannot obtain love by giving yours away for free.

You cannot fulfill your desire by letting it trump your integrity.

You cannot be yourself by denying your dreams and what it takes to achieve them.

-Only if you place the focus on the woman. If you do that, then you actually believe it is women who are making the choice, not you. There is no rejection; you are merely finding out if she has good taste. After all, she is looking for a guy that fits her interests and tastes. If she doesn’t like you for whatever reason, let her! And thank her for doing so!”

 

11. “Getting a girl is not the success.”

-Drop the ‘getting a girl is success’ mantra and you will never be DUMPED.

-The error is guys defining their success on having a woman or women. They should rather be concerned with having a woman that DOES actually like them.

-The focus must be on you, including her interest.

 

12. “Unite Dream and Day” 

-All the things women want… confidence… humor… spontaneous… fun… These are all qualities of a MAN living out his imagination. Embrace your dreams! Stop trying to be ‘perfect’ in woman’s eyes for you’ll wrong the truest commandment with sexuality: Do not bore women.

 

13. “Charm is treating women like little girls.”

-He wondered, “Have women really CHANGED?” No, only in his mind. At heart, women are still little girls. So when he saw the luscious babe sitting there, he smiled and saw a bored little girl looking for fun. He would make fun of her, do physical action things with her, take her by the hand to lead her somewhere, and she thought he was the perfect guy.

-Young kids, lacking the chemical madness curse that puberty brings us, are at PERFECT EASE and treat the sexes appropriately. No young boys will say, ‘Whatever you want to do.’ Young boys RUN AROUND, they do not sit and TALK to the girl all night. Young boys have their cars, their trucks, their dangers and excitements. Now, compare the young boys’ actions to those who are REALLY successful with women.

-Women go CRAZY over these types of guys. Some people are so scared of growing older that they become extremely aged in their youthful flesh. Now you will be the envy of every philosopher, scholar, thinker, and deep analyzer. You will be in the world they have no access to. Nothing has changed. The attitude you had towards girls when you were in the sandbox is EXACTLY the attitude you need now. So think young and LIVE.

 14. “Always have a back-up chick(s)!”

-Either go for MANY or go for NONE. If you go for ONE you will become an AFC. Most guys are too LAZY or too SCARED to go for multiple girls. So they remain AFCs and forever remain in the vicious cycle.

15. “The greatest risk you can take in life is not to risk it all!”

-You can be the smartest person in the world, the most talented, the most persistent, but you will never win in the world or with women unless you embrace the glory of RISK.

-Opportunities are brilliantly disguised as impossible situations!

-You cannot lose! Everyone wants to define your life, to shape it to their ends. From politicians to your friends. Everything is all right as long as you stay you. But if you break out of the mold, everyone, and I do mean everyone, will try to stop you.

-Just as on the battlefield, the valiant warrior losing in glorious battle is honorable. It is not the victory that defines the Man, it is the fight.

-“So to risk is to fight. Then all this knowledge and ‘insights’ are merely the sword, shield, armor, and weapons we fight with? And those who fight, unarmed, are more worthy than those who sit there completely clad with the finest of weapons?” “Yes. Paradise, spoken slowly, is literally a ‘pair-of-dice’. Gamble what you have.”

 

Other Harsh truths:

-Women would rather share a successful man than be attached to a faithful loser.

-Many women do not marry for love.

-Most divorces end up with the guy cherishing the woman but the woman detesting the man.

-Even for long-term marriage, the Don Juan is the way to go.

-The ‘innocent, nice girl’ is often the horniest and likely uninnocent.

-Many women consider your looks, your career, what you can offer them, before your integrity and character.

-Women are more sexual than men can even dream.

-Women are not attracted to genius, only strength and imagination

-Woman’s sole mission is union, either for pleasure or the fruits of children. She cares nothing for your philosophy and all except to either use it to catch interest in a guy or to enthrone herself.

-Women, in sex, desire to be treated as an object and relish it. Women place value in societal links; how they are thought of. You become her ego.

The Top 10 Inspirational Books of All Time

February 4th, 2012 jonny

The Top 10 Inspirational Books of All Time – As Voted for by our 50,000 Readers.

 

A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr.
1.  A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr. by James Melvin Washington
The list author says:

“The father of modern inspiration.  He moved mountains, and encouraged us to do the same, with words alone.”
$16.31   Used & New from: $9.36
4.8 out of 5 stars (21 customer reviews)

 

The Secret
2.  The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
The list author says:

“If you are not familiar with the “laws of attraction”, you better ask somebody!  The concept will transform your life.”
$14.37   Used & New from: $0.75
3.6 out of 5 stars  (2,793 customer reviews)

 

Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson
3.  Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life’s Greatest Lesson by Mitch Albom
The list author says:

“At once, very accessible and very profound.”
$10.98   Used & New from: $0.34
4.4 out of 5 stars  (2,307 customer reviews)

 

The Real Bling: How to Get the Only Thing You Need
4.  The Real Bling: How to Get the Only Thing You Need by Brian Mcclellan
The list author says:

“I wrote this book as if I was speaking to a friend on my couch.  Welcome, friend!”
Used & New from: $39.95
4.2 out of 5 stars  (4 customer reviews)

 

The One Thing You Need to Know: ... About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success
5.  The One Thing You Need to Know: … About Great Managing, Great Leading, and Sustained Individual Success by Marcus Buckingham
The list author says:

“This author encourages you to do “your thing” rather than trying to fit your square talents into a round hole.  Tremendous advice.”
$19.77   Used & New from: $0.01
4.3 out of 5 stars  (56 customer reviews)

 

A Hand to Guide Me
6.  A Hand to Guide Me by Daniel Paisner
The list author says:

“Great read!  This book allows the reader to sample dozens of stories of accomplished folks and the mentors that touched their lives.”
Used & New from: $0.01
4.6 out of 5 stars  (29 customer reviews)

 

Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can't Wait to Live
7.  Better Than Good: Creating a Life You Can’t Wait to Live by Zig Ziglar
The list author says:

“Zig is the King of Motivation.  At 80 years of age, he can still move you to action.  But only if you have a pulse!”
$21.99   Used & New from: $0.24
4.4 out of 5 stars   (34 customer reviews)

 

Days of Grace
8.  Days of Grace by Arnold Rampersad
The list author says:

“Arthur Ashe’s story of triumph over struggle is an inspiration to all who know it.  Get to know it!”
$7.99   Used & New from: $0.01
4.4 out of 5 stars  (27 customer reviews)

 

Developing the Leader Within You
9.  Developing the Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell
The list author says:

“Maxwell belongs in the library of any and every would-be leader.”
$11.32   Used & New from: $3.65
4.5 out of 5 stars  (113 customer reviews)

 

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
10.  The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
The list author says:

“Simply put…a classic.”
$8.22   Used & New from: $3.24
4.3 out of 5 stars  (1,056 customer reviews)

21 Things To Avoid If You Want to Succeed

December 31st, 2011 jonny

21 Things Not To Do

Did you make a list of things you intend to do in the upcoming months to move you closer to your goals? Have you got your action plan in place so you can keep track of your progress?

That’s a great start, but what about the flip side of that coin? Is it possible that there is another important aspect to successfully accomplishing your goals that you haven’t considered? I think there might be!

The hidden side of success

In addition to keeping track of what we intend to do, I think it is equally important to keep track of what not to do. I know that may seem like an odd suggestion, but knowing what to avoid can save you from wasting your valuable time and energy on worthless pursuits.

Let’s face it, life is becoming increasingly demanding with each passing year. We all have endless requests for our time and energy, and trying to do everything will pretty much derail your ability to do anything well. Let me ask you this…

*How many email lists are you on?
*How many time sensitive opportunities come your way each week?
*How easily are you sidetracked by a never ending flow of small
. . distractions from every conceivable source?

What are you going to do about it?

I have decided to make a list of things not to do because avoiding those time robbing, energy wasting distractions will go a long way toward allowing me to apply myself to the things that really matter.

I believe that tossing out the worthless things that steel your attention and prevent you from being able to focus is an excellent way to free up your inner resources.

This includes physical, emotional, and mental clutter.

It is extremely important to recognize areas where we needlessly expend ourselves emotionally and mentally. The physical time and energy wasters are fairly simple to pinpoint, but the issues that creep into our thoughts and feelings can be much more insidious. By the way, the word insidious comes from a Latin word meaning “ambush,” and refers to that which is slowly and subtly harmful.

Anything that represents an emotional drain takes a toll. If there are situations beyond our sphere of influence that fit into this category, it is in our best interest to eliminate them. The same applies mentally. If we can use our cognitive power to have a positive influence, then it’s probably worth the energy. But if all we can do is endlessly ponder a situation with no way to make a difference, then it is nothing more than a waste of energy.

Just say no!

I put together a list of 21 things that have the potential to complicate my life and yours unnecessarily. They may, or may not apply to you. Hopefully, they will at least provide some food for thought as you examine ways to eliminate physical, emotional and mental clutter from your own life, and embrace a less complicated existence. So here goes…

21 Things to avoid so you can focus on things that matter

1. Over committing your time, energy, or brain power.
2. Saying yes when you want to say no.
3. Allowing your “have to do” list overshadow your “want to do” list.
4. Letting external influences make your decisions for you.
5. Expecting others to make you feel happy, satisfied, or loved.
6. Allowing work to dominate your thoughts or conversation on days off.
7. Thinking that there’s not enough time to eat right, or get some exercise.
8. Spending your free time doing things you don’t want to do.
9. Comparing yourself to others.
10. Stressing over things you can’t control or change.
11. Obsessing over the personal decisions that others make.
12. Getting involved in things that are none of your business.
13. Focusing your conversations or thoughts on problems.
14. Projecting negative expectations.
15. Saying “I told you so” when your advice has been ignored.
16. Letting fads or trends dictate your preferences.
17. Blaming others for your current reality.
18. Buying things you don’t need just because they’re cool.
19. Inventing distractions to avoid responsibilities.
20. Signing up for more free information because you are afraid you might
. . . . miss out on something.
21. Trying to hide from or make excuses for your real feelings.

Do you have something to add to the list?
How important is it to know what to avoid?
The lines are open!

How Much Could a Simple Compromise Hurt?

December 28th, 2011 jonny

compromise
Photo by Sebastian Anthony

By Clay Andrews

I had just gotten home from my rush hour commute through the 115 degree summer heat in Phoenix, Arizona. My car rolled across the the gravel in front of my rundown shack by the railroad tracks. I went in and turned on the ailing air conditioner and flipped on the TV to decompress from a soul-sucking day at a job that I hated.

I had no idea what to do for the rest of the day. I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t have any plans.

The news called for another monsoon storm that evening. As the clouds rolled in and the rain started falling heavily on my shack, I remember hearing the drops of water hammering against my roof and the windows so hard that I was legitimately concerned that the whole place would collapse. Either that or that it might flood, as a puddle of water started to form around the perimeter of the shack.

How did my life get to this point? This wasn’t the way that I wanted my life to go.

Only a little over a year ago, I was living in a pretty good life. I had a nice job back home in Seattle. I had friends, things to do on the weekend, and a life that I was genuinely happy about (It was also a bonus that I didn’t have to worry about my house falling apart…).

Where did things go so terribly wrong?

As I sat there worrying that my shack would collapse or flood from the downpour, I asked myself this question.

How did I end up here?

It turns out I could trace it all back to one thing that I did. One simple thing that took my life into a nose dive and systematically seemed to be tearing every part of my life into pieces.

And maybe you’re doing this too.

I moved to Phoenix to go to grad school. I originally wanted to go to UC Berkley, but unfortunately, they didn’t quite see things the same way. So, after receiving a rejection letter from Berkley, I picked Arizona State because, well, it wasn’t ranked all that poorly for my academic program (what a great reason to pick a school!).

I worked at a job that I hated because it was the only summer internship I could get that actually paid decent money, even though what the company did went in stark opposition to my own personal beliefs.

I lived in a rundown shack by the railroad tracks because it was the only place I could rent near the ASU campus (all the other apartments were at least a mile or so away, and I didn’t want to pay extra money just for a campus parking permit).

I had no real friends or anyone to spend time with because I spent too much time studying during the school year to actually meet people outside of my very insular and focused program. With all the other students flocking home for summer to reunite with their girlfriends or escape the angry Arizona heat, I had nothing better to do that Friday night other than make sure nothing important was on the floor of my shack (in case that ever-growing puddle outside my door actually spilled over onto the floor).

So what was this thing that was slowly ruining my life?

In case you haven’t guess it yet, it was the fact that I was constantly willing to settle for just a little less than what I really wanted.

ASU and Phoenix weren’t my top choice for a place to live or go to school and working a job I hated was never part of my “master plan.” I never wanted to live in a shack by the railroad tracks. And I certainly never intended for school to overwhelm and eclipse having anything even vaguely resembling a social life.

All of these things were the result of settling for something just a little bit less than what I really wanted.

And this was only after about one year.

Can you imagine what would happen if you lived your entire life this way? Can you imagine the sorts of dead-ends, half-hearted goals, and failed dreams that would litter the path I would travel if I kept this up?

Suddenly, in that moment, I could see the consequences of that kind of life. Working at a “safe” job I hate, being in a lukewarm relationship that was “comfortable,” and living a stifled life filled with unrealized dreams, and goals that I never had the courage to reach toward.

Yikes!

That thought scared me more than what I’d have to tell my landlord if that water level came an inch higher and my shack flooded or even collapsed that night from the wind and rain.

It was in that moment that I decided to never again let myself take the easy route simply because it was the path of least resistance. I would refuse to settle for less than what I really wanted.

And one year after that, I had met a woman I truly loved, started my own business, and moved out of Phoenix to a place that was more my style to rebuild my life again.

I know that life can oftentimes seem difficult. Sometimes it can seem like you’re stuck where you are in your career, your relationship, or anywhere else in life.

But you don’t have to stay in a situation that doesn’t fulfill you. You can always find the courage to reach beyond your comfort zone, and ask for what you really want in life.

Yes, the easy route or the path of least resistance may offer the short term benefit of avoiding challenge, and choosing to fight for what you really want may be a struggle at first. However, making this choice is the difference between actually reaching your dreams and letting them die a slow and quiet death as they get perpetually deferred to the graveyard of “someday.”

Although, they may seem just outside your grasp, you may be surprised how quickly you can achieve them if you’re willing to push yourself a little harder and never settle for less than what you know you want.

 

Can You Allow Appreciation to Change Your Life?

December 27th, 2011 jonny

Appreciation

We are all aware of the benefits that come from being appreciative and grateful. But sometimes that’s easier said than done. In the face of a sinking economy, do you find it difficult to be appreciative? When it feels like your very way of life is being threatened, can you still find reasons to be grateful?

Yes, sometimes finding the good in a situation can seem like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Yet, the benefits of being in a state of genuine appreciation in spite of what’s going on around us are worth investigating. This is where focus comes into the picture. We can actually train ourselves to search for, discover, and focus on legitimate reasons to feel appreciation.

Seek and you shall find

Regardless of where we are, or what we may be doing, there is always something in our life worth appreciating. The challenge is to train ourselves to automatically search for reasons to manifest appreciation.

This may or may not be your natural tendency, but with practice all of us can certainly develop the appreciation habit.

Have you ever been around someone who never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything? How do you feel while in the company of that person? It’s refreshing, isn’t it?

Conversely, have you ever been around someone who always has something negative to say? How does that make you feel? Nobody likes to be around Mr. Bummer, especially since negative attitudes can be so contagious.

So the first thing we can do is to seek out friends and associates whose tendency is toward the positive side. At the same time, to the degree possible, we want to avoid spending too much time with those who like to dwell on the dark side. Choosing our associates wisely can really help us to cultivate the right attitude.

Now that we’ve surrounded ourselves with a more positive group of people, what should we do next?

Become a treasure hunter

We want to develop the habit of searching for, and discovering, something to appreciate about every person, situation, or experience we encounter.

Admittedly, this can be difficult sometimes. That’s why I likened it to a treasure hunt. Even if the situation you are in seems to be 99% negative, could you locate that one percent that is worthy of your appreciation? Once located, could you focus on it?

I was thinking about people that pan for gold. Almost all of what fills their gold pan is just rubble, but where is their focus? Most of the time, they don’t even see the gravel and sand because they are searching for the sparkle. They’re looking for that tiny, little fragment of gold, and they are so focused that their mind filters out everything else.

What happens when they find that little piece of gold? They get excited, their focus increases, and their appreciation grows. Could we apply that approach to our daily life?

Choose your orientation

Popular opinion and the nightly news seem to have combined to paint a very negative picture. How much have these two, powerful forces influenced your personal viewpoint?

It is far too easy to adopt the perspective of the majority when you are surrounded by negativity, but in this case it’s not a very healthy option. To keep your perspective, you need to learn to think for yourself, and avoid letting others do it for you. That means you need to find ways of limiting your exposure to those who influence your thinking in a negative direction. That way you can…

1) Stay informed, but without getting too absorbed.

2) Choose to focus on the positive aspects of every situation.

3) Change the subject when a conversation starts to go negative.

Everything is seeking balance

When the natural state of balance is disrupted, something always happens to correct the situation. Sometimes a correction may seem painful, but that does not mean that it’s a bad thing.

If you push yourself too hard, for too long, while ignoring your health and the need for rest, what will happen? Chances are, you’ll get sick. Nobody likes to be sick, but in reality it’s just your body’s way of seeking balance. You needed to rest and recover, and being sick provides the opportunity to do just that.

If you find yourself in this situation, could you appreciate the fact that you are now getting some much-needed rest? See, there is always something that we can appreciate.

If an economy pushes itself too hard, it gets out of balance. Right now the economy is sick because it needs to rest and recover. Can we appreciate that the end result will be a healthier, more balanced economy?

Use questions to build your sense of appreciation

Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, asking the right questions, or making the right statements, can help you discover reasons to be appreciative.

For example:

1) What is there about this person, situation, or experience that I can

…. appreciate?

2) What valuable lesson has this experience taught me?

3) How can I benefit from this person’s example? (Even if it’s an

…. example of what not to do.)

4) What is this person’s most outstanding, positive characteristic?

5) How can I inject some positive energy into this situation?

If you cultivate the habit of focusing on the positive, your level of appreciation will increase. As you find more and more reasons to appreciate every aspect of your life, you will become a magnet for attracting positive energy. And that positive energy flowing into your life will give you even more cause for appreciation.

Now it’s up to you.

Will you allow appreciation to change your life?

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

What Is Holding You Back?

December 25th, 2011 jonny

What Is Holding You Back?

Most people have areas in their lives where they would like to make some improvements.  Is that true of you?  Would you like to be in better shape physically, emotionally, mentally or financially?

That’s a lot of territory, I know.  Perhaps you would like to make some positive changes in all those areas.  Well, you are certainly not alone.  I think all of us feel we have room for improvement in all those areas of life, I certainly do.

So what’s the problem?

If we see things in our life that we want to change, then what is it that is holding us back from doing it?  Why don’t we just make the desired changes?  Questions like that can sure give birth to a huge list of excuses, can’t they?

If someone says to us, why haven’t you lost the weight, or read those books, or made more money, or learned to control your temper?  We can easily defend ourselves with a long list of reasons that sound perfectly logical.  But why do we feel the need to make excuses for our behavior?

Because we like to justify ourselves!

It’s not something we do just for the benefit of others.  We like to justify ourselves to ourselves, so we can feel comfortable about who we are and why we act the way we do.

Making changes comes with a whole assortment of emotional issues that most of us would rather not deal with.  It means that we would have to disrupt our routine. It also means that some sort of effort will probably be required.  If we already have too much to do, and more than enough to think about, the last thing we want is to have one more demand put on us.

Can you relate to feeling that way?

Feeling overwhelmed means that we want to dial things down and restore some balance. The one thing we don’t want to do is to take on another project. And yet…

We still feel that inner desire to make improvements.  We know that life could be better on so many levels, and that is what we truly want.  So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us wanting to change, and holding ourselves back at the same time.  This dilemma actually adds to our discomfort because it creates internal conflict and disharmony.

Let’s look at three things that can stop us from making changes in our life, and then we will consider three ways to deal with the situation.

1) Complacency.  The truth is that complacency has many faces and all of them create barriers to progress.  Whether it’s laziness, lack of interest, lack of motivation, inability to stick with it, procrastination, or indecision, they all add up to the same thing.  Nothing changes because in our mind, the changes we desire are not yet important enough to move us to action.

The other possibility is that, we may be waiting for some kind of miracle.  Perhaps thinking that our lives will change when we win the lottery, or when someone comes along and does all the work for us.  If this describes you, please read the following article: Don’t Count On Your Fairy Godmother

2) Fear.  Fear also has many faces.  It could be fear of failure, fear of change, fear of commitment, or even fear of success.  Fear is the most powerful reason there is to move away from something.  When we harbor fear, we will do almost anything to avoid the situation associated with that fear.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of fear it is, if we have linked taking action to fear, and inaction to security and comfort, we will not act.

The power of fear increases with proximity.  For example, with fear of success, the closer we get to actually succeeding the more fear influences our decisions and actions.  All limiting beliefs are based on fear in one form or another.  For a more in depth look at limiting beliefs I encourage you to read this: Self Sabotage

3) Confusion.  In this age of information overload confusion is an ever increasing problem.  Too much information is just as paralyzing as a lack of information.  If you want to lose some weight for example, what do you do?

You will probably start by checking out all the various weight loss programs.  And what will you find?  You will find that there are too many experts, with too many ideas, and they all sound very convincing.  The trouble is they have so many conflicting opinions that you can’t figure out who to listen to or who to trust.  The more you check into it, the worse it gets.  Information overload can put you in a holding pattern even when you are feeling motivated and fearless.

It’s a modern day paradox.  We have almost unlimited access to information on any topic, but sorting through it all can leave us more confused and frustrated than we were before we started.

Now the question is what to do about it?

If we are stuck in the dilemma of wanting to make changes and feeling unable to do so, there are really only three alternatives.  Let’s consider them one at a time.

1) No action. The first way of dealing with this dilemma is to do nothing at all, and just live with the situation and the associated frustration.  This is the choice most people make.  Life seems overwhelming enough, and the thought of adding to it is just not acceptable.  Many who find themselves in this category will simply make themselves a strong drink at the end of the day, turn on the TV, and attempt to take a nightly vacation from life.  Even though many have chosen this approach, I think there are much better options.

2) Roll back. The second way of dealing with the situation is to simply abandon your desire for more, and just settle.  For most people who make this choice the internal dialog might be, “this is my life and there’s nothing I can do about it.”  Some would call this giving up, I call it acceptance.

There is nothing wrong with acceptance. In fact it can put you in a very powerful place.  It eliminates the desire for more, and finds pleasure in the present reality.  If you can let go of wanting to be more than you currently are, and find inner harmony in doing so, then this is the way to go.

In fact, combining acceptance with simplifying your life even further, is an extremely effective course. It can quickly make your life feel much less stressful, and much more rewarding at the same time.  There is a lot of wisdom in the old adage, less is more.

3) Go for it. The third way applies to those who are compelled to become the best they can possibly be in every area of life, and nothing else will do.  For those of us who feel this way, and I include myself in this group, we need a two sided approach to help us avoid getting stuck in a perpetual holding pattern.

We need to simplify our lives and let go of nonessential activities, so that we can create room for personal development pursuits.  Adding to an overcrowded schedule will not work and you probably already know that from experience.  Even the so called overachievers have limits that must be acknowledged.

So the first step is to figure out what to let go of.  Don’t say you can’t let go of anything.  If you want to ramp up the quality of your life you need to clear some room in your schedule, preferably an hour or two per day.

Next, you need to adopt a no-nonsense, step-by-step plan for making the changes you want to make.  Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, pick one approach and stick to it.  I don’t care if there are 10 choices that all sound really good, pick one and only one, and stick to it. Here’s a little inspiration to help you get started: 8 Steps for Acting on Inspiration

Don’t expect overnight miracles.  Whatever the nature of your pursuit, give it 30 days of consistent effort before you deviate from your chosen approach.  If you’ve chosen wisely, your approach will eventually produce results, but you need to give it time.

Now make a choice!

OK, now it’s time for you to figure out what it is that’s holding you back and what you plan to do about it.  Let me know what you think and what course of action you have decided on. 


How to be more Patient

December 24th, 2011 jonny

cultivating patience By Deborah Fike

We live in a “now” culture. If it takes more than five seconds for a website to load, we won’t view it. We want to call our friends now, even if we’ll see them in 10 minutes. The “now” culture is one of convenience, and let’s face it, convenience can make our lives easier.

Unfortunately, by gaining convenience, we’ve lost some of our patience. Waiting has become a common enemy. We get irritated when the guy in front of us jokes with the cashier because it takes longer for us to buy milk. We want pills and surgery to lose weight instantly, rather than streamlining our diet and exercising. We want to have the best life possible right now, not tomorrow, and certainly not next year.

Despite our need for speed, life demands a certain amount of patience. Some of the best things in life take time. I attended a birthing class where one expectant mom was worried that if, for medical reasons, she could not hold her child immediately after delivery, she would lose a vital bonding moment. Without that touch, she insisted, the child would never “take” to her mother. This expectant mom didn’t understand that parenthood isn’t a moment, but a lifetime of loving. You can always lose one moment, but you have to work at years and years of little moments to create a true bond between mother and child.

If you’re like me, patience does not come naturally. Here are a few tips I’ve learned along the way to cultivate more patience in my life:

· Ask yourself why you’re in a hurry. If you feel rushed while going about your normal day, ask yourself why. Will the world end if you get home five minutes late? What if you stop to talk to the random people you meet each day: the store clerks, the people on the subway, the guys buying coffee ahead of you? If you do stop to talk, you’ll be amazed how much more connected you’ll feel to your community.

· Enjoy quiet moments as much as big moments. It’s easy to celebrate big events like a job promotion. It’s just as important, though, to enjoy the little things in life that comprise the majority of your time. Take a second to appreciate how much faster you can accomplish a task at work than you did a year before. Enjoy settling a minor issue for a customer that could have turned ugly, but didn’t because you handled it so well. Those are equally, if not more, impressive than the big event.

· Hang around people who have patience. I had a lot less patience before I met my husband. Being around him daily has certainly given me a greater appreciation for the art of waiting. He’s not only a great example of someone who lives his live patiently, but he tells me if I’m getting too anxious or impatient. If you don’t know someone who’s patient in your immediate circle of friends, take a class like yoga where meditation is part of the art.

· Focus on short-term goals to reach long-term ones. Sometimes you can lose sight of long-term goals in the rush towards instant gratification. Most people trying to lose weight have a hard time cutting out sugary or carb-loaded foods completely. It helps to cut these lofty long-term goals into smaller chunks. To encourage weight loss, you can slowly cut back on your calorie intake or increase your exercise regimen each week. Whatever route you take, setting those little goals will help you achieve the big ones faster.

· Think of the things you’ve gained by being patient. When all else fails, I think of the good things that have happened in my life because I waited. Passing up on a few “so-so” job offers last year paved the way for me to land a job I really wanted. When you can think of positive outcomes that have come from waiting, it puts into perspective why it’s not always the best strategy to rush into things.

Patience can seem unachievable to those of us who struggle with it. Don’t worry if you slip back into “impatient mode” now and again. Patience is a skill, not an inborn talent, and therefore can be acquired by anyone with the will to learn.

Photo by whatmegsaid

Keeping the Spark in Your Relationship

December 23rd, 2011 jonny

3 Keys to Keeping the Joy in Your Relationship

How does a relationship that started out like a fairytale romance end up being a source of confusion and unhappiness? Is there anything you can do to safeguard that special bond that initially attracted you to one another? What is the quickest way to turn things around and rekindle those special feelings if they seem to be evaporating?

These are just a few of the questions commonly asked by concerned couples feeling the squeeze of increasing stress on their relationship. Have you ever struggled with these or similar issues?

Let’s look at a few reasons why a good relationship can become challenging and what you can do to prevent, or even reverse, such a trend. Considering three specific aspects of our personal perception can help us to see the big picture and make any adjustments that might seem appropriate.

The role of focus, filters and priorities

How we view our world and the people in it has everything to do with our perception. Regardless of how objective we might think we are, our personal version of reality is heavily influenced by what we focus on, how we filter that information, and the way we set our priorities.

Not only will the settings of these three factors determine our perception, they will also determine how we respond to the world around us. This is especially evident in the way we interact in our closest relationships.  Those closest to us are always the ones who see our true colors.

Adjusting your settings for relationship joy

By making adjustments in our focus, filters and priorities we can literally transform what we bring into a relationship and what we receive from it. So, let’s work with these three components of perception and see how we can tweak them for a richer and more meaningful relationship experience.

1. Adjusting your focus. Remember what you used to focus on when your relationship was new? Remember how much joy that brought you? That’s because focus is the most powerful way to adjust our impression of reality. When your relationship was new you made it a habit to focus on all of your partner’s amazing qualities. No matter what else was going on in your life, being together was so wonderful that you always looked forward to it with eager anticipation and you never allowed the cares of life to dampen your time together.

How about now? Are you still focused on those amazing qualities or has your attention drifted to their faults and shortcomings? When you are together do they still get your undivided attention and admiration or has the stress of life overshadowed the way the two of you interact? See the difference focus makes? So, what can you do about it?

Solution. Make a conscious and consistent effort to recapture the same kind of focus that got your relationship rolling in the first place. Turn your attention to those amazing qualities and away from anything that doesn’t feed your sense of joy and appreciation. If you focus on the positive your perception of, and your response to, your partner will shift. In turn, they will respond to you accordingly. Relationships are based on cause and effect. If you change the cause the effect will change also.

2. Adjusting your filters. When you first got to know each other, did you find your partners little idiosyncrasies irritating or entertaining? Did you see their unique personality traits as refreshing or strange and in desperate need of refinement? Your view of your partner has always been up to you. You are the one who chooses which filters to look through.

If you are looking through a critical or judgmental filter you will see things that you don’t appreciate. If you are looking through a happy, grateful filter you will readily notice more and more reasons to find delight in your partner’s unique attributes. Your attitude is your filter and a positive attitude based on love and appreciation can filter out many of the little annoyances that might rob you of the joy you both deserve.

Solution. Stick with the filters that you used when your relationship was the most positive part of your life. When you combine a positive focus with a positive attitude it starts a chain reaction that can bring a great sense of joy and satisfaction into your relationship. No matter what happens in other areas of your life, always do your best to greet your mate with a loving, positive, appreciative attitude.

3. Adjusting your priorities. When your relationship was in full bloom, where was it positioned on your list of priorities? Where is it now? Is it still at the top of the list or have other things been getting top billing lately? When I talk about priorities I am not referring to how your time is divided. I am talking about what is most important to you. Most of us spend more time working than we do interacting with our partner, but which one owns your heart? That’s what defines your priorities.

If our relationship is our top priority we will make time for it and won’t allow the other concerns of life to squeeze the life out of it. And we won’t do this solely out of a sense of responsibility; we’ll do it because we want to. We’ll do it because our relationship means more to us than anything else and because that is where our heart is.

Solution. Take the time to evaluate your true priorities in life and see if your lifestyle supports your relationships position at the top. Don’t make excuses or deceive yourself while evaluating your situation because that could prove very costly. If you are not sure, ask your mate, but don’t get upset if you don’t like their answer. Next, make any needed adjustments to establish your relationship as your number one priority. When both partners know that the relationship comes first it does amazing things to the way they interact with each other. Isn’t that what you both want?

Go make it happen!

Use these three keys to unlock and maintain the joy that comes from a truly meaningful and satisfying relationship. Granted, you can’t control how your partner acts, but you can give them every reason to respond to your efforts in a way that empowers you both and brings a lot of joy into your world.

How do you keep the joy alive in your relationship?

What keys would you add to these three?

The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

Many relationships are under tremendous stress these days. If that is true for you and you want to turn it around, take a moment to consider this solution.

Tiny Buddha – An Interview with Lori Deschene

December 22nd, 2011 jonny

Tiny Buddha

By Peter Clemens

Today I’m very happy to feature Lori Deschene. Lori is the founder of the hugely popular blog, TinyBuddha.com, and she has just released a book called Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. I have read the book and can honestly say it’s one of the best books I have read this year – it’s insightful, personal and practical. I have two hard copies of the book to give away, but first I would like to share with you an interview I recently did with Lori:

1. What led you to write this book?

I run Tiny Buddha as a community blog, and I’ve published posts from more than 175 people over the last two years. The posts often explore similar themes—purpose, happiness, change, love, and uncertainty.

I wanted to write this book around those themes, because those are the topics that are relevant to all of us, regardless of our differences. In fact, they’re what unite us. No matter who we are, no matter where we’re from, no matter what religion we follow or what politics we support, we all deal with the same universal challenges.

Much like the community has made the site what it is, readers shaped this book. I started by asking nine questions on Twitter, including: What’s the meaning of life? Do you need money to be happy? How can we live each day to the fullest?

Then I wrote the book around those responses, exploring scientific, psychological, and sociological research to support those ideas and also including stories from my life.

My hope is that Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions helps readers discover the answers that are right for them individually. There are very few concrete answers in this world; there’s just so much we don’t know. Still, we can live mindful, happy, connected lives based on what we do know.

2. One of the things I love about your book is that it includes your personal story. What has your experience been with being so open about your struggles?

So far, the experience has been rewarding and just plain amazing. It felt liberating to open up about some of my struggles, and to know that I’ve been able to help people not just in spite of them, but also because of them.

3. You devote one chapter of the book to ‘Change’. What advice do you have for people who want to change their life?

My main advice is to develop incredible self-awareness.

That starts with understanding what causes resistance within you. You may be holding on to limiting beliefs about what you can do—or what you should do. These are subconscious ideas that can prevent you from doing things differently, or lead to self-sabotage.

For example, I used to hold a belief that if I showed people who I really was, they would reject me—which meant I shut down around other people for years, despite saying I wanted to develop strong friendships.

It also helps to identify the payoff in staying the same—why you keep doing what you’ve always done even though you say you want something different. It could be that you’re giving in to instant gratification, or it could be something much deeper.

Maybe you’re scared of failing, or rather scared of succeeding. If you understand why you’re resistant, it will be easier to dispute the thoughts that keep you stuck.

Lastly, take it one tiny step at a time—and be sure every day entails at least one. Focus on creating consistency and making progress, not being perfect or achieving a specific outcome. It might not seem like change is happening, but if you take it one step at a time and keep moving forward, even if you stumble occasionally, it is.

4. Blog posts, tweets, status updates….there is no shortage of advice on the Internet. Is all this information really helping people?

I believe it helps us at times and hinders us at others. It all depends on why we’re turning to our gadgets for advice, how willing we are to read and then disconnect to access our own intuition, and whether or not we utilize the two by choosing to act on them.

The web can definitely be overwhelming. But it’s not the overabundance of information that paralyzes us; it’s that we sometimes use it as a crutch to avoid looking within and honoring what we find.

The good news is that in an information-overloaded world, we have abundant opportunities to practice seeking the knowledge we need and then stepping away to reflect and take action.

5. Thanks for the interview Lori! Is there anything else you would like readers of The Change Blog to know?

I’d love to tell readers about the “Life’s Hard Questions” contest, which I’m running until January 15,2012. Anyone can enter by submitting a photo of themselves displaying the hardest question in their life at lifeshardquestions.com.

The winners will be chosen at random, though there will be a special prize for the most creative. The prizes include a Canon DSLR camera, two Kindles, and 10 free copies of my book. It’s just another opportunity for people to get involved and share a little of themselves.

Really, that’s what Tiny Buddha is all about: It’s a place where people come together to share what they’ve learned and learn from each other.

Readers can read more about me and Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions at http://tinybuddhabook.com.

Thank you Peter!

What Determines Your Personal Value?

December 20th, 2011 jonny

What Determines Your Personal Value?

The way we perceive our own worth as a person has a profound influence on every aspect of our life. Today’s culture sends a lot of mixed signals that can easily distort our views about what makes us a worthwhile person.

Unless we develop a well grounded understanding of the true nature of personal value, we will probably end up adopting one or more of these distorted views.

How Self-worth Affects confidence

Our confidence in our own abilities will ultimately be the deciding factor when it comes to taking action and producing results. A lack of self-confidence acts as a restraint, holding us back from pursuing the life we desire. A distorted view of self-worth leads us to believe that we don’t deserve a better life and undermines our efforts to create change.

Self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem are all closely related and are based on a personal belief system. Beliefs are rarely about reality. They are an emotional conclusion based on our personal perception. This means that logic alone is not usually enough to alter limiting beliefs. But asking logical questions about the perceptions that lead to those beliefs can make them more susceptible to reason.

Common ideas that distort our perception

It’s important to realize that there are those who work really hard to influence our views and personal values. Advertisers try to anchor their product to our emotions in an effort to make us feel incomplete, or below par, if we don‘t buy what they are selling.

Many employers want us to think that their approval is a key factor in our self-worth and that our job is the most important thing in our life. There is also a social perception that exerts a strong influence to live up to certain expectations. And these are just a few of the forces working to mold our viewpoints about ourselves.

To counter some commonly accepted but misguided notions about self-worth, let’s take a closer look at the two sides of five different ideas that often lead to confusion.

1. Someone else’s opinion or your perception. What this boils down to is whether we place greater importance on external or internal validation. I think that we all appreciate it when others approve of us, even if we have a strong sense of self-worth. It’s human nature to want the approval of others, but it should not be the standard by which we gauge our own worth.

We need to develop an empowering belief about our own worth as a person, and it should form the basis for our personal validation. External validation should be used to reinforce our beliefs, not as a basis for them.

Never allow someone else’s opinion of you to shape your view of yourself. Practice giving sincere approval to yourself every single day.

2. What you’ve acquired or what you have given. How much stuff we own has absolutely nothing to do with our personal value. Your contributions are much more important than your acquisitions. Giving from the heart is a reflection of your inner self. It speaks of who you are, not how much you can afford.

Making personal value judgments based on material assets is for shallow thinkers only. Leave that thinking for the creditors. We don’t want to think that way, and we don’t need to be influenced by those who do.

3. IQ or practical thinking ability. On the journey of life, practical smarts are of far greater value than IQ scores. I am not saying that you can’t have both, because you can. But test results do not make one person more valuable than another. If we have common sense and the ability to make sound decisions then we are blessed.

In certain academic circles test scores may elevate someone, but that is not the real world. My brother had the same IQ as Einstein, but lack of common sense cost him his life. Never allow test scores to make you feel more or less important than someone else. There will always be people whose test results are both higher and lower than yours.

4. Accomplishments or efforts. Accomplishment is a wonderful thing. We all feel great when we work at something and get the results we wanted. But here’s the thing; sometimes we succeed at producing our intended result, and sometimes we fail. That’s just a fact of life for everyone.

The problem is, the reward for success is usually tangible while the value of failure can be much harder to appreciate. Life is about learning what works and what doesn’t. In the learning process, success and failure have equal value as long as we learn from them. Never link your personal worth to the results you produce. Your are a person, not an accomplishment.

5. Flash or substance. This one seems obvious enough, and yet our culture often places greater value on flash. Never mistake looks, abilities, outrageous behavior or material wealth as a measure of self-worth. Substance is the name of the game. No matter how nicely wrapped a package is, the important thing is what’s inside.

The same is true of people, it’s what’s inside that counts. When we are true to our personal ethics, we have integrity. When we care about the welfare of others, we have compassion. When we give without expecting anything in return, we are generous.

Cultivate these qualities and you will be a person of substance. What a wonderful basis for a strong sense of self-worth and feelings of true value.

What is your most valuable asset?

You have something of great worth and it is so rare that it’s not shared by anyone else on the planet. Do you know what that is? You are a one of a kind, totally unique individual. You are you, and that alone makes you valuable.

Take some time to appreciate who you really are, aside from all the trappings and outside opinions. Make a list of things you like about yourself and then read it out loud so it can resonate in your consciousness. Think about all the ways you have contributed to the lives of those around you. Now, give yourself some well deserved approval. It’s time to celebrate you!

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